Tuesday, 13 September 2005

More or Less

So which do you prefer? Being the one who loves more or the one who loves less?

Ideally of course both parties should love each other equally, but this is rarely, if ever, the case.

Having tried both, I think I prefer being the one who loves more.

You get the advantage of loving someone so much it hurts, rather than putting up with someone cause they're quite nice and you don't want to break their heart (both elements of which are horrible feelings).

You usually will not crave being with someone else - the main reason people love their partner less is of course that they love someone else more, but the someone else is unavailable at the time being.

Most importantly, you will not have to break up with anyone.

Breaking up with someone is awful, as self-inflicted pain often is, but in addition you have to contend with the guilt of hurting someone else and with the lack of sympathy from surroundings (who don't think that self-inflicted pain is something which deserves a lot of sympathy).

The reason I mention this is that I notice every time that I see J, he likes me a little bit more. The things that used to annoy him about me in the beginning annoy him less, he looks me in the eyes more and takes pleasure in things simply because they can be related to me in some obscure fashion. In other words, telltale signs of falling in deeper.

I love him more, because I love him at all, but what if that changes? I'd like to say that the quality of my feelings for him wouldn't change at all, but they might.

Being loved more than you can love in return is an immense responsibility, one that I don't know if I'm ready to shoulder again any time soon. Or should I simply grow up, put my issues behind me and strive for that elusive power balance in a relationship? Watch this space...

3 comments:

Thanks for not just lurking..

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