Sunday, 4 September 2005

Not my name

When I was little, I remember really hating it when women would introduce themselves as 'so-and-so's mum'. I wanted to know people's names, and swore to myself that if I ever had children I'd always be known as my proper name except for to the children themselves.

I've no children, nor am I planning any, and people still know my name. But in my head I'm not myself anymore. I think of myself as J's girlfriend.

Why this is, I don't know. I've had other partners before, some of whom I've lived with for years. Yet I was always myself. When I could tell I was turning into a bitchy girlfriend I always blamed them.

And, can I just say, I think I was justified in doing so, although the fault was obviously mine for lacking judgement in picking them in the first place.

Now, I blame only myself. It's not because J is without fault, because he most certainly isn't, but there isn't anything about him which justifies blaming him for turning from My Self into a Girlfriend.

Is it because I want him to buy me a house and keep me forever? Or maybe it's an age thing.

In my head when I talk to myself (which in some cultures is considered completely normal, bringing up the question of cultural bias in diagnoses such as Schizophrenia) I have begun to adress myself as J's girfriend.

So I figured she should have a blog.

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