Tuesday, 27 September 2005

Pending cohabitation

So J has made up his mind; despite him not being overexcited about moving into my flat for a month, he has decided he 'doesn't really mind' and it's a nice thing to do for me, so he will be making his semi-permanent arrival shortly.

Despite this, I'm feeling a little low, and I'm not quite sure why. Possibly I feel a little cheated, not by J, but by life in general.

I remember when sleeping with someone meant you possibly wanted to have Sunday brunch with them.

Nowadays it apparently means you possibly want to have a mortgage and children with them.

There was a period of about a year between the two where I was generally panicking about turning from the first stance to the other. Now, however, I'm quite calm about my urge to grow courgettes in a joint back garden.

But I didn't know that it would be such a struggle; I don't feel I have the right to complain about this, but it is a struggle.

I expected it to be a smooth transition, that one day I'd be happily sleeping around and then the next day find myself safely snuggled up in the front seat of a Volvo with picked fences and a labrador. I didn't expect all this inbetween-ness.

But as J dipped out yesterday morning to fetch me a Starbucks latte as I was feeling low and in need of a sugar boost, I am just a little bit optimistic, too.

2 comments:

  1. I totaly know where youre coming from on this... as you may have guessed from my blog i am an american with a boyfriend in london.. fresh out of college.. and now what? suddenly theres this in between stage where were not together and not apart. Wanting to start life but stalling at the same time. I once heard an analogy that 'life is like a plane trip... the take off and landing are exciting but the journey along the way is pretty mellow..' can you relate?

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  2. Funny that! I used to be in London with an American boyfriend. That wasn't much fun either but a completely different story.

    I'm having a very depressive day so probably shouldn't be dishing out advice left right and centre but...

    I really hope that analogy is incorrect! In fact I don't think it is; the problem is just that when you're young, fun is made for you; once you reach a certain age you suddenly have to make your own and it's really, really strenuous.

    If you're from the US and just graduated I'm assuming you're still quite young, so all I can say is make sure you want to settle for the right reasons.

    Take some time out, travel, see the world, until you really feel that what you do is what you want to do and not what you think you want to do.

    People think you should achieve something by 25, but believe me, most of us don't!

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Thanks for not just lurking..

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