Friday, 9 September 2005

The perfect woman

If men knew how easy it is for women to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend, they'd probably loose all faith in humanity.

Nothing like a girlfriend absorbed in Silent Hill 5 hrs a day. Although Tekken would be preferable

After about 20 years of trying and sometimes unfortunately succeeding at projecting myself as the perfect girlfriend, I've come to the conclusion that she has the following characteristics (this has been tested out on several different continents, but probably mostly holds true for Western men's preferences):

- Plays playstation (other consoles possibly acceptable)
- Has and drives car
- Puts out frequently, with enthusiasm and skill
- Cooks nice food and doesn't talk about dieting
- Can join in commenting on other womens' physical attributes
- Doesn't nag or get angry
- Looks effortlessly beautiful at all times
- Appreciates that going out and getting drunk is a completely acceptable pasttime

They don't really ask much.

Obviously, it comes to a stage in the relationship where you feel like revealing that you actually hate driving, are very jealous and secretly dieting, but then you don't feel you can crush your partner's belief that they've finally found Her. It's tricky.

And then you end up turning from Perfect Girlfriend to Girlfriend From Hell, who:

- Nags relentlessly
- Is cranky cause she diets
- Blames everything on BF
- Doesn't love BF
- Spends ages grooming herself

Notice I'm not saying she doesn't put out as this would surely be self-torture on top of the pain of being GFH.

I am going to break the cycle this time around. I've vowed to be honest from the beginning and regularly floss my teeth in front of J.

If this doesn't work, I really don't know what will.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, great Page. I've read stuff here a couple of time's now and I think it's pretty cool. I've just wiped clean my own blog because I got bored with it so if you check mine out there's really not too many posts to see right now.


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