Saturday, 15 October 2005

All the men I've never slept with*

The most important men in your life are the ones you never slept with. You sleep with someone, you flush them out of your system.

The ones who have never seen you naked, or you've only kissed and fooled around with on the other hand, they stay with you forever.

Following, in good old Nick Hornby style, are my top three, in no particular order.

1. My very dear friend "JR".

Why I should:

  • JR reads my mind. I come away from lunches with him with my face hurting because I've smiled and laughed so much. He always says the right things at the right times.
  • JR has seen me through my previous three boyfriends and doesn't seem to mind.
  • I'd find it very hard to do without him even though we don't see each other that often.
  • If I was half clever and I wanted to bring up children in his home town, we'd be married by now.

Why I haven't:

  • Honest to God, I do not know. So we've never been single at the same time, but that wouldn't necessarily put me off normally, as long as I wasn't the cheating one. We discuss this every time we're drunk, and we don't find each other unattractive, either.
  • Maybe I'm not actually lying when I tell people (read: his girlfriend) that it's "just not like that" between us.

2. My first proper boyfriend from when I was 15

Why I should:

  • He's dead attractive and has invited me to bed on several occasions.
  • I love him to bits, and his parents still think we should get married more than ten years later.
  • I know him better than anyone else, he's an amazing kisser and I know that deep down he loves me back.
  • He makes me think I'm 15 again. We can sit up until 5 in the morning watching MTV and playing playstation.

Why I haven't:

  • Bizarrely for kids of 15, we just weren't that interested in intercourse so never got there. Now I feel it would be a bit gratuitous and/or lame.
  • If we haven't managed for over ten years, it's probably not meant to be.
  • We can sit up until 5 in the morning watching MTV and playing playstation, so who needs sex anyway.

3. My American ex ("The Prom Crush")

Why I should:

  • I've never been that in love with anyone else, ever. It was like in the movies, but better. We had 22 days together when I was in high school and five days four years later.

Why I haven't:

  • He didn't want to sleep with me in high school because he was afraid to hurt me.
  • Further unfortunate circumstances. Including but not limited to his mum's brain tumour and my 2nd US ex. I think the story of us will be a post in its own right one day when I have time. I wonder where he is now. It's not too late!!!

J could have been one of them. We waited for longer than I care to remember as he was also afraid to hurt me. We are talking months. Hello, what are we in, the 50s?!

Whatever happened to passionate relationships based on casual sex? I'm not very patient at the best of times, and I guess J used up his patience quota when he had me waiting for that long to get laid.

I find it a bit worrying for my character that I was that impatient about sex, but seem to find more patience in myself waiting to be loved.

* Big nod to Arabella Weir, of course

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