Thursday, 27 October 2005


J doesn't like rollercoasters. They apparently scare him. I've tried to explain that the whole point of a rollercoaster is to experience fear in a controlled (read: safe) environment, but this has done little to endear him to the idea.

His rollercoaster phobia is especially strange and ironic considering our relationship is fast becoming one. Although it would be wrong to say he enjoys it being this way, nobody can say he's running from it with anywhere near the speed he would be should he suddenly find himself on a real theme park contraption.

A few examples:

Holiday Day 1 (0 metres above sea level):
We're both really excited to be there and spend most of the day roaming around the city and looking at architecture and people, feeling blissfully in love (at least I assume so on his behalf as well)

Holiday Day 2 (-5 m):
I feel quite low. I don't really talk to J about it, instead I stay awake part of the night and burst into tears in the morning because I feel selfish for staying with him when he doesn't love me.

Later: Burst into tears after silly argument, upon which J is very apologetic and attempts to kiss away the hurt in public.

Holiday Day 3 (+4 m):
Feel a lot better. Go out to see some live Jazz in the evening, share a bottle of wine, have a really good time.

Holiday Day 7 (+5 to -4 m):
J takes me out for lovely meal in the evening, then pisses me off by getting really irritated and not wanting to pay for cab when we miss the last bus (also for gentlemanly reasons refuses to let me pay for the cab).

We don't argue but I punish him with about 20 min of silence because my feet really hurt (I know, I know, why wear unpractical shoes, but it was a really nice restaurant and I wanted to look nice for him and the occasion).

We bicker because we're both insecure; he's insecure about himself and I'm insecure about how he feels for me. He wakes me up by rolling over, kissing me and apologising for not loving me, and soothes me to sleep by telling me how the holiday would not be anywhere near as nice without me there.

You get the picture. It's strenuous, but I kind of like it. I'm just worried I'll get so tired from all of it that I'll have to leave to recover and take care of myself, that it won't all settle down into a nice routine before it's too late.

Thanks to all who've left comments here while I was away! I've not exactly got a tan but it was a really great holiday.

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  1. This might be a dumbass question, but is the 'sea level' indication a metaphor for your mood, or were you actually at that level?

  2. That's for me to know and you to find out... about now.

    Funnily enough there were actually copious amounts of hills where we were, but I don't think the plains below were sub-sea level. So it would be mood...

    Hope you've recovered from earlier work related trauma. My flatmate is also suffering from a colleague who constantly asks how she is (actually detrimental to your health if you're depressed) so I will pass your story on as a warning!


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