Monday, 14 November 2005

Depression II

My flatmate is depressed. We were chatting this morning, and she was saying things like "if I tell people I'm not OK it will bring everyone down" (overinflated sense of how her state of mind effects others) and "I just don't have anything to say to anyone" and "my life is crap". Charming.

It is really depressing to live with someone who is depressed. In fact it can make you depressed. I am debating whether or not I have the right to feel irritated because she's so self-pitying, or if I should just straight down pity her because she is obivously having a very hard time. She is waiting for CBT, but obviously there's quite a long wait.

Her circumstances haven't been the easiest, but then again no worse than for a lot of other people in London; not much money, boring job, hard to meet people, not much social life because everyone is so busy.

There are aspects of her personality which I think make her feel worse. She is quite insecure, which is obviously the biggest culprit. But also she is quite proud and doesn't like accepting help or advice from people.

In addition she is quite rigid in her ways and will often decline offers of activities etc. saying it's just not her, or she probably won't like them. I think this makes it harder for her to break out of negative behavioural patterns, but of course I couldn't tell her this without causing a nervous breakdown.

Am I turning into the flatmate from hell? Right now I just want J to change his mind and want to live with me so I can get out. Hearing someone slam the door to cry in the shower every single day becomes quite wearing.

A happier note to brighten up this post; it was recently J's birthday, and I stayed up until midnight on the night before to give him his present.

On one hand he is really difficult with gifts because he doesn't like people doing things for him, which in his head includes people buying him stuff.

On the other hand though, he is just like a kid. It is obvious that despite himself, he loves getting nice gifts. I mean, who doesn't. Unless they're a blase, spoilt brat, that is.

He unwrapped his gifts and was blissfully happy for at least five minutes. One of them I'd sourced for free, and he was especially pleased with that one as he could cherish it without feeling guilty about me buying him something. It seems to have had quite a lasting effect on his mood which is really nice.

So at least I have one relatively happy bunny to come home to later.

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4 comments:

  1. You could always move in with me - I'm very happy almost all of the time. Speak to J and let me know...

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  2. J wouldn't mind! He doesn't really have a say since he doesn't want to live with me.

    But my flatmate would probably have a nervous breakdown. More than is the case at the moment, I mean. Arrgh.

    Tempting offers all around though...

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  3. God, you drive a hard bargain... okay, bring your flatmate too. But I draw the line there...

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  4. :) Cheer up....read some light things online and entertain S and J.

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Thanks for not just lurking..

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