Thursday, 24 November 2005

How to annoy your girlfriend

Before I start, let me point out that J is by no means guilty of all of these; they're a carefully selected spread from a variety of exes.

Also, they are only guaranteed to work if I am the 'girlfriend', although I suspect many of them would annoy others as well if tested on them.

  • Swear you'll be on time, then be late. Not just a little late, but a lot (20min+). In fact, in general, promise to do stuff, then fail to do it
  • Refuse to let go of the macho image which prevents you from enjoying things like romantic comedies, shopping and spa treatments
  • Keep leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night. This causes girlfriend to sit down on cold and filthy porcelain bit of toilet when she comes to the bathroom half asleep
  • Pretend you're listening to her while watching sports on TV, then reveal later that you didn't hear a word of what was said
  • Drive like a pig, swear at other drivers and get defensive if criticised
  • Refuse to see any dirt, dishes needing washed, mail which needs taken in or bins that need emptied until reminded at least five times
  • Get aggressive when you feel 'disrespected' in public, instead of taking the non-violent path
  • Feel 'disrespected' in public every time someone looks in your direction
  • Have bad personal hygiene and refuse to rectify when it's pointed out
  • Insist on watching every sports bulletin known to man and panic if someone else reaches for the remote control

It's funny how all those ten are complete clichees. I used to think when I was little that I could never get annoyed at someone for squeezing the middle of the toothpaste tube (rather than the end, which we all know is the proper way). Strangely, though, it does get annoying. Just like the toilet seat.

Hoping for a more uplifting post later on today.

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