Wednesday, 16 November 2005

How to get laid

According to me, that is. The mean-spirited, simplistic-minded teenager in me just returned with a vengeance.

I just came across this blog which was complaining about not getting laid. So here it goes. It's mean-spirited and completely disregards the suffering of those who genuinely can't get laid, but it's late and my crisps just got stuck in the vending machine.

  1. The 'Poor Me' trick. Involves sitting alone in a posh bar, staring into a half-full drink with puppy-dog eyes. It helps if you have brown eyes and are reasonably looking but slightly dishevelled. Initiate conversation with woman. She will ask you why you feel down. Bingo. You're more or less there.
  2. Always stay in touch with and on good terms with exes. If you were any good, chances are one of them will always be available when you are.
  3. Be intelligent, and think that the person you're coming on to is intelligent. Even if they're not. Woman will think you think she's clever but that you're not threatened by this, which says all manner of nice things about you. You're in.
  4. Be clean and stay fit. Easier than it sounds.
  5. Be confident.
  6. Don't ever, ever moan to potential sex partners about not getting any. They will, perhaps subconsciously, but still; automatically think there's a reason for this and cross you off the list. You will never get back on it.
  7. Make her feel special. Don't talk about yourself. This has been repeated often, but somehow some men don't get it. They are the same ones who don't get any, by the way.
  8. Numbers. Propose enough people and someone will say yes.
  9. Don't stare at her with puppy-dog eyes. Especially don't stare at her breasts with puppy-dog eyes. Stare at the beer. See point 1 for further instructions.
  10. Try to sleep with them when you have a girlfriend. The fact that you find them irresistible even when having a partner is flattering and means they're more likely to help you out during a dry spell later. I realise this requires having a partner, but if you've already done all the above things, you should by now.

Technorati tags:


5 comments:

  1. "Try to sleep with them when you have a girlfriend. The fact that you find them irresistible even when having a partner is flattering and means they're more likely to help you out during a dry spell later. I realise this requires having a partner, but if you've already done all the above things, you should by now."

    Wow a woman that is encouraging a guy to cheat??? Maybe I'm reading it wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahem... errr, thanks. I'll just stick to my own approach, though. Which it seems I'm going to need, once again.

    Oh well...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hehe, Wonderful Post As Always Dear. Sorry for the lack of posting lately, Been stupid Busy with production and performance lately.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to say that I've used a couple of these myself...and sadly enough #6 is very true.
    I read some of your previous posts about your flatmate and she really needs to talk to people. That has been my best therapy over anything else. Even if she doesn't talk about her root problems, just talking can lift the spirits...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Glad to see this was an inspiring theme! No worries, the indignant phase of my life is over for now.

    DIA; I rest my case. If you really think that narrowly of women you really need to move to Europe. Or something. Although it's kind of nice to be trusted with a clean mind purely based on my sex organs.

    For more on my flat mate, see the next post. And the next. And the next. You get the point.

    Thanks for reading.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for not just lurking..

Peer Review Section