Sunday, 27 November 2005


It is the day for family Sunday lunches, and so I am taking this opportunity to relay a recent phone conversation between J and his mother:

J: ...and because they can only make this evening, I'll have to come and see you tomorrow morning instead if that's OK.

M: So you won't be staying over tonight then...

J: No, sorry.

M: Oh. Well. I'll just take the clean linnen off the bed then...

Arrrgh! She is such a martyr! She really has guilt-tripping down to a fine art. Maybe she secretly has a PhD in the subject. It wouldn't surprise me.

I know she would prefer it if he were there, but I don't really know why.

It goes with the story that he will now go to see her tomorrow morning instead, which means he'll be staying all day rather than just a couple of hours in the evening, so she'll actually see more of him rather than less.

It should also be said that he's not going tonight because I guilt-tripped him into staying with me. Well, not so much guilt-tripping I like to think, more genuine disappointedness because I hadn't realised he wouldn't be there tonight. Since he's leaving me shortly to move in with Radio4 bloke and Oxford girl, I want to keep him there while I can.

And, I hasten to add, for me there's a point in having him there at night! I need not elaborate, but if I have to sleep alone / go without for too long, I get cranky. And we wouldn't want that. For her, it's just part of the power struggle.

I really have no problem with him spending lots of time with his mother, after all she is almost all alone in the world (really, she is, and quite old too), but I just hate it when I wake in the middle of the night and he's not there.

And I didn't take on the martyr role, I just laid down the facts, as in "well, you've spent one night here for the past week, and we won't really see each other much next week either!".

Does this make me an evil selfish nightmare of a future daughter in law?

Apparently she prefers girlfriends of his to be easily manipulated and docile.

Well, tough luck.

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  1. Hey girl,

    I think along the same lines as you do, but unfortunately still make the mistake of taking too much upon myself, i.e playing the role of the caregiver asking nothing in return. My last relationship was very much about that and guess what I am really keen to move away from it… having said that I am sure Marie is a very happy woman with little regrets. Regarding your example about moms yea my mom spent her entire life trying to get me to do what she did not get the chance to do … its not very nice :o(

    Now an advise from someone that just spend the last few years of her life trying to please her boyfriends mother ….try to strike the right balance … a light friendly relationship with the lady is usual the best approach.

    Take Care,

    PS. I have a nice new bikini ;o]

  2. Thank you for the visit. I am glad you liked the piece I posted about how wonderful women are. I guess Ines agrees with most of what the piece contains but thinks that women should not be made to carry on too much load just because they can. That men should take on some of the load, too. I thoroughly agree with her. Men are also wonderful creatures, just like women and they do share the burden, too. We (which include men) do the best we can for everyone we love because we love them.
    Hugs, Marie


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