Friday, 23 December 2005

Mums are for life, not just for Christmas

As you will all know by now I've wrestled J away from his mum for Chrismas.

This means his brother and his family will get the pleasure of dealing with her for the holidays, but it also means that they've, reasonably enough, chosen to escape for New Year's, leaving the mum to us as we'll be back by then.

Her tongue really is this pointy
Because I'm working fairly early on New Year's day, I would prefer to stay at home. I am more than willing to cook a delicious meal for J and mother, and J agreed that inviting her to spend it with us would be a fair thing to do.

The fact that she refused to spend Christmas with Brother (thinking it's easier for them to bring three kids, a dog and related paraphernalia to her than vice versa) should have been a warning signal I suppose.

So J called her, invited her and said it would be an excellent opportunity for her to see his new home, and she would also be spared the pain of cooking for us.

She refused flatly, saying in the martyred tone only a mother can muster that 'we should just go ahead and make alternative plans without her'.


This won't exactly go in the top 5 list of 'reasons she's very difficult', but it's a strong contender for the top 10.

I think it is especially ungrateful because I think New Year's is generally a time spent with friends, not with family, and she should be positively surprised that her adult offspring gives her any thought at all.

J and I recently had a conversation where we agreed that neither of us will criticise her as much as we used to anymore, because if he does, I think it gives me carte blanche to do the same, but of course no matter how much you hate your parents you don't want others to feel the same way.

So I'm not saying anything.

J says he thinks she'll change her mind last second to save face, as she'll realise this all reflects badly on her.

I find it kind of endearing that he has such faith in her, and simultaneously sad that he's so brain washed. I realise she's his mum and of course he loves her, but that doesn't mean he has to put up with her crap.

OK, so here goes the top 5 list of unreasonable things she's done in 2005.

  1. She told her daughter-in-law she's a bad parent
  2. When they took her abroad on holiday for her birthday, she complained she doesn't like to leave home and sulked for the whole weekend
  3. She refuses to spend Christmas with her family unless it's at her house
  4. When J stored his stuff in her garden house for two weeks longer than planned, she complained she wanted to refurbish it and he was hindering her (it had been empty for three years previous to this)
  5. Every time I see her, she brings up the episode of me cocking up a portion of rice I was boiling in her rice cooker

    OK, that last one really isn't so bad, but it's directly affecting me so I thought I'd include it. In addition to this is the constant stings she delivers which bring J down and make him feel he's never good enough.

    She's also completely failed to provide an example of appropriate human behaviour and kindness to her children, leading to all kinds of upsets with their partners.

    I feel inviting her over for New Year is an olive branch. The fact that she fails to take it demonstrates how completely self-absorbed and unconsiderate she really is.

    Am I being unreasonable? Is it really too much to ask that I don't have to see the new year in under this woman's roof?

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  1. Sounds like this girl I met yesterday who I absolutely hated.

    Reminded me a spoil brat. But I guess now that she's older she's just "aggressive."

  2. Try a 70-something year old acting the same... arrrgh


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