Friday, 16 December 2005

No sex makes you cranky

Well, at least it makes me cranky.

I don't necessarily even notice that lack of sex is the reason, but if it's been, say, more than 48 hours I start to get annoyed.

First at things like dust in the corners, dishes left overnight and other.

Then less rational things start to irk me, like when J fails to long-distance read my mind to know I wanted dried apricots when he went to the supermarket.

Then I start complaining. About everything. About delayed trains, expensive gas bills, why the US bombs the Middle East when they should really have the decency to remove Mugabe from Zimbabwe, and about how J doesn't love me.

It's incredibly how even sex every second day seems to iron out any irritation in a relationship and life in general.

If you get laid, everything seems great, your partner is the best in the world, your annoying boss just grand, owing money to the debt collector, who cares.

Maybe I have subnormal levels of serotonin and this is the way my body likes to combat it, but I'll have sex over Prozac any day.

I remember reading in Cosmopolitan when I was still a virgin about a couple which experimented with having sex every day for a month. It went very well although they were at times quite exhausted. I think that's possibly the best piece of advice to ever come out of Cosmo. Forget about "getting the man of your dreams" or "power dressing for work", just do it. More.

I am convinced that if people had more sex, the world would be a more peaceful place. I am of course talking about responsible, consensual protected sex here. Most importantly, nobody would have the energy to argue anymore.

With my ex boyfriend, I seriously think that if he wasn't of the kind who liked at least a quickie a day, he would have lasted a lot shorter than he did. Which might not have been a bad thing, but still. With him, sex was always the best part, despite it being more like a duty than an actual pleasure after the first six months.

With J, it's different. I think I'd forgotten what it was like to make love, rather than just shag. It's great. Even when I'm tired, or stressed, or sick, or when it's a bit rushed, or when I don't think I really feel like it, it's great. It's soothing. It's what it should always be like.

J thinks he is not a daily kind of person, and sometimes mock complains that I'm impossible to satisfy. Earlier on we ended up simultaneously saying "but it's been over 48 hrs!" (me) and "but it's only been about 48 hrs!" (him).

Which is not to say that he doesn't go to lengths to satisfy me; even if he's too tired for 'proper' sex he'll always offer 'alternative services', all of which he's very good at.

But I prefer it to be mutual. It's not just a quick O I'm after (I could do that for myself in about 3 min blank, sorry J), it's the whole thing. The smell of his skin, the quickening of the breath, the sweating, the collective exhaustedness afterwards.

Maybe this is an insecurity thing. Maybe if I knew J loved me, I wouldn't need reassurance every two days (at least!). I think it's partly that when we make love, I can tell he has feelings for me.

Not in a 'sex=love' way, but there's a connection there which is unusual and rare. He isn't very good at expressing this in other ways, despite being the most articulate man I've ever met.

Or maybe I just like it, like it when I wake up with his hard-on poking my butt-cheek in the morning. Despite claiming "not to be very interested in sex" when we first met, he finds it very hard to say no if I start playing with it.

Especially efficient if he's still asleep and can't stop me until it's too late.

A man can't help his morning wood... So I figure an annoyance-free future is ahead of me if I can only persuade my love to stay with me.

And if you are arguing with your partner a lot, put down a moratorium on hair-splitting for two weeks and shag instead. I swear it works.

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  1. i agree, even if you are tired and may not "feel" like it, having sex everyday does keep the grumpy's away.

  2. Wow! Another person who feels this way like I do... Sex, especially good sex, makes life so much more bearable. Little things don't bother you. Sex I thought maybe I was like this because of being male. I have a partner very much like your J. She, H my loving lady, could give it up for lent, or even the rest of her life she says. Sex isn't that important to her. But she makes love with me because, as she says, she loves me and that is the best reason in the world for her. We compromise on once a day, or two at most... :)

  3. And good on your wife for that! I always think that how much you like it depends on how good your early partners are. A handful of bad shags can ruin you for years.

    I'm sure if you heap compliments on her, keep up the clitoral stimulation and the supply of Agent Provocateur, she'll be putty in your hands for years to come. She's lucky to have you! See, Lisa agrees too!


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