Wednesday, 25 January 2006

Job offer

I've been offered a job. As a TV news reporter. Yes, really.

A few years back, I visited the local station where I come from, mostly for fun and just to see what the people there were like.

And now, a few days ago, I received an email, offering me a temporary job as a reporter. Just like that. I did get on really well with the editor, but to be honest I'd forgotten all about it ages ago.

What to do?

"...and Mrs. Smith's cat just had a record 11 kittens!"

I had planned to finish my contract where I work now, and then start training as a psychologist. Partly because I have been thinking I can't really feel satisfied in a job where I'm not directly helping people, partly because this gives me the freedom to settle where ever I want in the future.

I always used to think I wanted to get into broadcasting, but lately that dream has slipped away, like I guess dreams often do when you've been out of university for a while and you realise you'd actually quite like to be able to buy a house someday.

For a while now I've felt like something had to happen to help me decide what I want to do with my life. This could be it.

You might think I should just take the job. But it's not straightforward.

First of all, there's the contract I'm in. I feel a sense of obligation; I know my department is quite short-staffed, and I've given my word that I'll be here for a number of months yet, although I could always resign despite this. They've treated me well, and I know if I wanted to take the reporter job I'd have to resign as soon as possible.

Then there's job security. The reporter job is only for a few months, and who knows if there is a chance of staying on afterwards.

And of course, lastly, but also most importantly, there's J.

If I took this job I'd have to move, far away, too far to travel to each week, or even each month. I am reluctant to admit it, but the first thing I thought of when I received the email was J.

We're not the kind of couple that could work away from each other if we didn't know when or if we could be together again.

I would never ask him to give up his job, which he loves, to come with me somewhere where he's very unlikely to find anything remotely as interesting to do.

As soon as I could after getting the job offer, I mentioned it to J. We were in the kitchen, I was cooking dinner and he arrived at my house straight from work. He still smelt of the outdoors, bike oil on his jeans, as he strode into the kitchen and asked me how my day had been at work.

"I've been offered a TV reporter job," I said.

"But that's..." He was obviously as surprised as I had been. "Do you mind if I ask how?"

I explained the circumstances, and he thought about it for a litte while, then said "you should do whatever is best for you".

He didn't ask me to stay with him, to not move to another country, to think about us.

Part of me wanted him to throw his arms around me and beg me not to go.

But another part of me knows that if he did that, he would only make the decision harder for me.

I'd like to think that if I knew for sure that he loves me and that we're forever, I would instantly know what was the right thing to do. But that is not the case.

I've never thought of myself as the kind of woman who would unquestioningly give up her carreer to be with a man, even if he is the love of my life.

Maybe this shows that I'm spoilt with affection and naive, but I don't think I could keep myself from resenting someone who had kept me from pursuing my personal goals, even if it was my own choice to stay with them.

Yet I am asking myself why J didn't seem in the least upset that I might be moving. Maybe he's in denial. That was three days ago, and he hasn't mentioned it again.

I am calling the editor who sent me the email tomorrow afternoon, to see how long the contract is for, and what my opportunities are.

Most of me is convinced I can't take it, but a small part of me is crying because it thinks I'm turning down a really good opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do.

Watch this space.

No pun intended.

8 comments:

  1. Thats a very perdicament to be in. Best of luck to you while you try and figure it out!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Al,

    Going to be the devil's advocate here:

    How old are you? Probably in your twenties right? So what's the fuss?

    Make a career for yourself first. In this modern age, lovers seem to come and go. The rate of divorce is high, a house seems more of a secure investment than a boyfriend. Be prudent.

    Not the devil's advocate side says:

    Logically speaking, you're good looking. TV people tend to like good looking people in front of their cameras. Ergo, this "J" fellow probably doesn't know what he's got. He needs to tell you how, what, where - and maybe a bit of when, too. Set it all out at the outset. He should listen to Brian Adams more - maybe not :P

    Muchly,

    ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  3. Follow your heart! I know it sounds dumb, but your intuition is usually correct!
    Nice site by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You only live once
    No regrets!
    :)
    V

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ok, for those of us who have only just begun to obsessively check your blog, I think we need a brief run-down of your relationship with J...

    how do you know he doesn't love you?

    why are you considering holding back on what you (might) want to do for a man that doesn't love you?

    how does it feel to love a man who doesn't love you back?

    these aren't loaded questions, they're just questions. I'm interested.

    ReplyDelete
  6. CD; you could always read this, which I think describes quite well how J feels, although I think that is changing.

    I actually think he does love me, even if he says he doesn't. He at least acts as if he does. I just think his self esteem is so low that he doesn't trust his own feelings, he doesn't think that he is capable of love. This is a product of his upbringing, and also symptomatic of his history of clinical depression.

    And how does it feel? Strangely, it makes little difference to me.

    And Wanabehuman, I am incredibly flattered that you think I'm good looking even if we've never met... Remember, that gif isn't actually of me though ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Broadcast has been relatively safe from cutbacks, but of course that's not for new jobs. Might be shady if this editor has called you up from nowhere to be a reporter. Sounds like they're getting desperate.

    However, broadcast does afford you the opportunity to help people by informing the people of what might protect them or help them live their lives. I imagine you'll be started with fluff pieces so this might not happen right away, but eventually you could do that sort of stuff. Unfortunately though, a lot of news is sensational since TV is such a visual medium. Although newsmagazines like 20/20 and 60 Minutes do a fairly good job of reporting newsworthy stories.

    Above all, if J loves you, he'll be with you no matter what you decide. It definitely will be harder if you have to travel often, as news doesn't exactly have the best reputation for relationships, but he'll stick with you if he loves you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Al,

    I was going on pure mental arithmetic - bah! Was I wrong to assume? Surely broadcasters would put only good looking guys and dolls on screen? Look at Hollyoaks (spit spit)!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for not just lurking..

Peer Review Section