Monday, 20 February 2006

News and stalkers

J and I managed to squeeze in 'Good night and good luck' before he had to go to work yesterday morning. It was a lovely little film, and I agree with the Guardian that it achieved what small goals it had set for itself.
When men were men and newscasters chain smoked
At least if those goals were to make you exit the cinema thinking "omg, I'll never not pay my license fee again, ever".

Anyway. J's flatmate has a stalker! We all agree that being in love with someone drives you a little crazy, but we also agree that it's the responsibility of every sensible adult to try and curb the madness as much as possible. Especially if the person doesn't feel the same way...

The flatmate, who is a tender 20, found herself in a bit of a pickle when she agreed to meet up with a single male friend on Valentine's day for 'a bit to eat', and he took her for Italian food below the Eros, followed by ice skating and ice cream on Leicester Square, complemented with a massive flower bouquet and an attempt to kiss her, which she only avoided by the fortunate arrival of her train home.

So this weekend he'd invited her out again, and she was wondering how to tell him that she's not interested.

We decided that the best way forward was to be honest; that is to pull out all the stops with clichees such as "it's not you it's me", "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" and "I just don't want to settle with someone as I'm leaving the country shortly".

So far, so good.

But the guy doesn't get it. I am starting to think he's a freak.

Things which indicate he might be a mentalist:
  1. "My friend Kevin tried to tell me that I should give up because you don't like me, and I got really angry with him, he just doesn't understand the special bond that you and I share!"
  2. "You know that deep inside you do like me, you just need time to realise it."
  3. Still tried to forcibly kiss her after she'd explained she wasn't interested
  4. "But how are we going to cope with being away from each other when I go away for two weeks?" (He's under the delusion that they have to speak every day, which means he phones her every day)
  5. "My parents really want to meet you, they think you sound like such a nice girl"
  6. When looking at pictures in his digital camera, she realised they were all of her.
Alert! I am wondering if he's secretly got a shrine devoted to her in a broom cupboard in his flat.

Worst of all, months ago before she realised the situation (she was also going out with someone else at the time), they arranged a trip to the Middle East together.

As they were the only ones who could afford it, it will be just the two of them, sharing rooms and beds, for two weeks... I honestly think it might not be safe for her as he doesn't seem to respect her boundaries whatsoever.

Meanwhile, she's actually lying about where she lives to avoid him showing up at her doorstep every single day.

What to do? I said to ignore his phone calls for the couple of weeks he'll be away and see if it helps. I feel sorry for the poor guy, but honestly, he's starting to freak me out a bit.

Any advice I can pass on to the flatmate, anyone??


  1. she needs to back out of the trip and she needs to stop answering her phone. I had a rather forcable stalker. The second this man says "I won't hurt you " Run, run like hell because that means he's THOUGHT about hurting her, perhasp because she's angering him with her lack of attentiveness to him. She also should inform the local police. T athis point she proabbly cant file any paperwork but letting them know what is going on is a good idea. She should inform all friends so they know not to put the two of them together.

    The only way I got away frpom my stalker was quitting my job and moving

  2. For real. When a human being proves themselves incapable of responding to simple social conventions, then there comes a point where tact must be abandoned in favour of bluntness.

    "I don't like you, go away, don't call me again" is a good one.

    Be honest. Don't do the whole "it's not you it's me" bullshit. I tried that with an ex and to this day she still calls, e-mails and texts me, in the vain hope that we might get back together. Well, she used to, until I told her in no uncertain terms that I didn't like her. I wish I had done that in the first place.

  3. I hear ya. I think plan is:

    1) Stop answering phone
    2) Do not tell him your new address (she's about to move)

    She's actually told him in no uncertain terms that she's not interested, but apart from the creepy stalker tendencies he's actually quite a nice guy, and she was hoping they'd stay friends.

    I'm thinking not.

    Thanks for the advice, people!


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