Monday, 6 February 2006

Pre-Valentine's showdown

It's that time of the year again. The only time of the year where one starts to wonder if John Gray, revered author of 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus' might have had a point after all.

I'm working on Valentine's day, and already know I'll be staying late. J and I had a quick chat about it; we'd kind of agreed not to make a big deal of it. Note, 'not a big deal' as opposed to 'no deal at all'.

So yesterday when I asked him what he wanted to do for this lovely day of ill-fitting underwear and overpriced chocolate (which obviously makes the underwear even less fitting in the long run), I was quite surprised when his face assumed a rather sheepish expression and he took his diary out with a blush.

"I agreed to meet K," he said. "Liverpool are playing Arsenal in the evening. You said you didn't want to make a big deal of it!"

Now. Lesson: Women only say that, they never really mean it.

Of course you shouldn't need a day dedicated to being a couple, and of course you could treat it like any other day of the year, but you could say that about birthdays too. And anniversaries. And Christmas. And there's no way I'm giving up Christmas! As you will know if you've been reading this blog for a while, I love Christmas!!

So when I said "let's not make a big deal of it" I meant "let's stay in and you can cook me dinner, and let's not spend more than £10 on presents." I did *NOT* mean "you can go to the pub with your best mate and watch the footie, never mind asking me what I'd like to do first".

Although I have to say the fact that he opted for Liverpool over an hour with me before bedtime doesn't help, I'm mostly upset because he didn't think to even ask me first.

He realised his mistake when I didn't talk for about 15 min in the car following the revelation of his plans, and then started begging me to be allowed to come over after the game (which would probably coincide with me being done at work).

I said no, as he's obviously only doing that to make himself feel better; surely if he wanted to see me he would have asked me ahead of arranging to see the football.

It is clear to me though, that when women say "oh no don't buy me anything" and that kind of thing, they never really mean it. It's not just that they're being coy and meek in what I see as a gross misunderstanding of attractive femininity, it's that women are often raised not to ask for things and not to make demands.

What I was really hoping for, I now realise, was that J would say "so, you have to work late, but that's OK, because I'll come over and cook us a nice dinner for when you get back. And then I'll make all your wildest sexual dreams come true."

See, I'm not even asking for roses and a card.

And before you start saying that I should have got out of working that evening if it really was that important to me, can I just counter that with saying that I actually think staying in my job is slightly more important than seeing Gerrard in action.

It's not like J's in the doghouse or anything at the present stage (he partly made up for his sins by taking me out to dinner last night), but he's stupidly given me a lot of ammo to use in future fights which might well be about things much more important than Valentine's day.


  1. This seems like the template for every fight I've ever had with a girlfriend.

    In fact, somebody should patent it; make girlfriends pay royalties every time they use the 'I was being literal but wasn't really being literal' man-trap.

    I'm surprised little-girls everywhere aren't out bitch-slapping fully-grown men to tears; because it is the same fully-grown, loofah-using, bubble-bathing men who succumb to this "female logic"; which is a misnomer in itself. I mean, female logic, what a concept!

    That was fun. I feel entirely secure about being a loofah-using, bubble-bathing man now.

  2. But you're meant to be mind readers! Didn't your mothers teach you anything?!


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