Tuesday, 28 March 2006

That time of the month

I sometimes wish I'd thought of Mil Millington's "Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About" before he did, but not so, unfortunately...

I think of this as a relationship period

At any rate, J and I don't really like to vary what we argue about. We prefer the more traditional approach of having the same argument over and over again.

Last night, for instance, we had the conversation which goes through the following stages:

  • J is a bit glum about something
  • I ask him what is wrong
  • He talks for about 10 min straight in detail about what is annoying him (usually the same things)
  • I then offer some (I admit often unsolicited) advice because I get tired of hearing him complain and because I think that when people complain, it's because they want to overcome whatever they complain about
  • He shouts at me for "telling him what to do"
  • I get upset because in my family, people don't raise their voices at each other and I find it disconcerting
  • We get into a longish discussion major relationship issues (see below)
  • There are tears on either side
  • We make up

Why, oh why do we bother, I ask.

I can list very briefly the major issues in our relationship.

  • J's low self esteem leading to him being very touchy and having an inferiority complex
  • My tendency to criticise and give unsolicited advice
  • Him claiming he doesn't love me
  • Him failing to stand up to his (awful) mother
  • Me being impatient and slightly unable to let go if I think I'm right about something

We know about this, so why we should feel the urge to spend two (!!) hours discussing it, I really have no idea.

And we don't really have proper arguments either; we don't really shout at each other, just painfully go over the same old ground. He talks mostly, I don't feel like there's much to say.

Unfortunately he couldn't stay last night as he had to get to work, so the makeup part wasn't as cuddly as it could have been.

The worst thing of all is that a few hours later, I have more or less forgotten about it.

I read somewhere today that having high levels of cortisol blocks the formation of long-term memories, and I can see no other explanation for not being put off arguing instead of

A) Me shutting up and
B) Him getting a new therapist.

But at least the monthly Big Discussion is over, so we can have a peaceful weekend trawling the local estate agents for somewhere to live.

If anyone has a space to fill, we're non-smokers and safe payers.

Arrrgh.

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to say that I love your blog. I can relate to what you write about and I look forward to reading your newest entries. Take care! :)

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for not just lurking..

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