Sunday, 21 May 2006

Keeping it alive

How do you keep a relationship alive?

So now we're living together. With lots of cuddles. Which is nice.

The reading corner I've made for myself (with IKEA furniture) in our new home
As the quote from Buffy goes, "This is how every day should begin, and end, and all the stuff in the middle."

But let's face it, living together is a real romance killer.

Suddenly you no longer have to make an effort to see the other person and they are exposed to all your unsightly non-shagging underwear.

Not to mention there's a million new things to argue about.

Sex is on tap; you can have it at any time, and anywhere, as you're no longer afraid of flatmates walking into the kitchen while you're bent over the kitchen sink, not exactly doing the dishes.

We can make each other orgasm in about 5 min flat.

But that's not the point.

What happened to hours of stealing glances at each other, thinking should we, shouldn't we, what happened to rock hard erections constricted by tight jeans, what happened to making that special effort to wax your legs just for going out to the cinema?

And we've only gone out for a year.

I realise that familiarity breeds boredom, but I don't want it to happen.

I don't want to wake up 20 years from now and realise that yes, I do love my husband, but we spend every single night in front of Newsnight, until one of us falls asleep, and then we go to bed and have sex with the lights off (if that).

What to do? I'm sure it's all about little things... or grand gestures.

Any advice received with thanks.


  1. I wish I could build a reading corner. Alas, we live together... in a studio. You get REALLY familiar, REALLY fast. Oddly though, what I think can happen is this: there is no use looking for, or lamenting over that rock-hard-cock-in-tight-jeans and waxing your legs "just in case" stuff; that stuff is gone forever. Now it's time for the next season in love. The bit where you two start being able to tune into each other so well that it brings you all kinds of new pleasures. Expect some arguments too, or more like "establishing boundaries" and whathaveyou. So far, I can say that living with my true love has been hugely different from living with any of my ex boyfriends. Here, now, there is a deep sense of underlying happiness, satisfaction and security that I wouldn't exchange for a million cocks in jeans. ;)

  2. if familiarity breeds boredom, then can't boredom breed creativity? i know that sounds too easy... but you know, you keep stuff alive by breathing life into it. and you breathe life by choosing to. that's not just sex. that's... universal.

    maybe you can do something unexpected for him. something not yet experienced with him (that only you can know)...

    keep stealing those glances. sure, you can just come back home and find relief- but while you're in a public setting, you can build the fire in the process.

    of course, i'm recently single and i live with two cats. probably better listen to nukapei. heh.

  3. You could always dress up as coal miner. Or a clown. Or a vampire.

    Or you clould roleplay. Prostitute and sailor on leave. Captain Kirk and hot alien chick. Coal miner and canary.

    I like coal miners.

    Good battle. Very close. I am surprised I won. Nice blog!

  4. I've never believed passin has to die. I was married for over 10 years, and the passion was just as strong as after 10 weeks (although I learnt that a relationship needs much more than passion, sp take heed!!).

    Love the reading corner, by the way. I have to get myself over to Ikea...

  5. Relationships are work, and you just need to work in a different way than you did before. You need to be creative, and you need to always remember those first sparks.

    The best advice I can give you, and it really has nothing to do with sex, is to try not to build debt together. My father always said "When debts come in the door, love goes out the window.." I have found that to be so true in past relationships...

  6. Sometimes I worry that my whole life, I've mistaken passion for love... But bizarrely, a relationship can persist for quite a long time on passion alone, so maybe I shouldn't worry.

    Living in a studio, that sounds quite intense! Hat off to you, Nukapai! And you're right; I know I'm meant to mature etc. and enjoy the bonding process... I'm just easily bored, and now I'm nervious about getting bored, even though I'm not yet... A bit silly, I admit.

    Dressing up; I think that's a great idea... J likes secretaries. A lot.

  7. I don't have advice, but I can tell you that me and my boyfriend have been living together for three years. Although we are totally familiar with each other and all that stuff you said is partly true, it's not boring. The fact that we know each other inside out just makes things ten times better. You don't need to explain, you don't need to make the effort. The love is right there, where you need it.

  8. I love your readin corner dear. Sorry I haven't sent you a note in a while, seems like you're doing better then myself though. I might just be single before the month is out.
    Glad you and J moved in together, I don't think it's just passion, Passion doesn't push a person to build a blog about their interest like you do. There has to be something more then just that.


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