Tuesday, 14 November 2006

Break my heart, why don't you

Why is it that dumping someone is so painful? Can I just calm you all straight away by saying that the masochist in me finds it more pain-inducing to stay with J than to leave, so for the time being that's what I'm doing.

But anyway.

Breaking someone's heart is awful. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe I'm just a softie. Apart from this one guy who straight up stalked me after I'd slept with him, I've always had problems rejecting people outright.

When I say rejecting, I don't mean denying them sex; I mean actually telling them I don't like them. That way. Or sometimes not at all.

I talked to my former depressed flatmate (formerly flatmate, she still sounded quite depressed) yesterday. She was telling me all about her ex-lover who told her he didn't want a relationship after a few intense weeks of togetherness (they both worked on a cruise ship; it's like a co-ed boarding school), then dumped her and went out with a girl she'd hitherto thought of as her friend a few weeks later.

Now obviously any good friend would loudly exclaim what an arsehole this guy obviously is.

But for some reason I don't see him as evil; he is merely a coward and has taken advantage of her obvious affection.

It is difficult to reject someone, especially if they're reasonably attractive and throwing themselves at you like uncovered meat to the cats (Australian preacher's description of Western-style dressed women).

It's even more difficult if you actually like them. Just not like *that*.

So all I actually ended up thinking (but fortunately managed to keep myself from saying) was that how the hell can anyone be so naive after the age of 20.

"I don't understand why he doesn't want to be with me," she was moaning. "We got on really well."

I hate to quite pop-psych literature, but honestly, woman, "he's just not that into you".

Basically I just felt sorry for the guy, who's probably been dropping all kinds of inept boy-hints before the fact. My flatmate, although a lovely girl, is completely impervious to hints. Guy doesn't want to spend the night / meet her friends / make any plans for next weekend? He must just be "tired".

So what do I do? I really want to tell her, but am worried that even saying this gently will just come across mean. I'm just getting tired of watching her run herself into the ground time and time again. He probably wasn't worth her affection anyway, but that's hardly the point here.

Be a commitment phobe all you want, but at least have the decency to say it. It's like ripping off a plaster; best done in one go rather than over weeks of painful peeling and pondering.

1 comment:

  1. A long separation (no contact) is recommended after you dump somebody. Also, if you think about it execute it...

    It's worked for me.. and I'm friend with all my exes but one.

    Sorry about your friend.


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