Monday, 20 November 2006

Placebo effect?

Originally uploaded by gsmattingly.
...although frankly, I don't care at this stage. Thanks to all of you who were supportive earlier, it helps

After a few weeks of what I'd describe of absolute "anxious depression in live-in partner" type antics, J finally seems to be feeling a little better.

Oddly, this kind of thing doesn't appear to be in any way a catalys for change. J's state of mind is rather cyclical; last time he was this bad was probably shortly after we met. He was a complete wreck and didn't eat anything for about two months. And even though it's tiring, I'm not sure if in the end it would give me the push to leave if that's what I wanted to do.

At any rate, better now. He suddenly remembered that his ex-therapist (who genrerally did cognitive-analytical work which doesn't seem to have helped much in the long term despite providing relief at the time) had recommended valerian as a sleep aid.

So we went to Boots to get some, and lo and behold, last night provided the first night of unbroken sleep I've had by his side for at least a few months.

Without having read very much about valerian, I suspect it all might be a placebo effect, but hey, who cares as long as we're both sleeping better.

At times I've slept in the guest bed not to be awoken, and on those days when I've had 7 hrs unbroken sleep, I really recognise bits of my old self in the daytime. I'm optimistic, extroverted, I care enough to wax my legs and armpits and see the good in everyone. And I take J's depression less seriously.

It could of course just be a happy blip, as obviously his state of mind is in constant flux, but I'm hoping we've hit rock bottom and bounced back with a vengeance.

1 comment:

  1. I hope so too. And I remember when I was going through a hard time a while back a friend said to me "Eat, and sleep. Nothing else matters." Mind you, seven hours would be nice...


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