Tuesday, 12 December 2006

The power of the music of the night

I was just reading Cosmo in the bathroom (not cause I'm ashamed of it, just cause it fits so well on top of the radiator) and it had this article of "nine men you need to date before you meet Mr Right" kind of thing.

Reading it, I realised I've actually gone through all nine. They included someone older, someone younger, a party guy, a stunner, a bachelor... all the usual.

Then, of course, there was "the wounded guy". Is there any way to turn "the wounded guy" into Mr Right? Or am I butting my head against the wall here?

J is clearly Wounded. In Cosmo (a source of authority, I'm sure you'll all agree), it says that you can never really make it with wounded man until he's ready to be saved. That he'll never be able to let anyone in close enough to have a relationship.

And sometimes with J I really wonder. I feel so distant from him, it's not like I don't know what's going on in my head, but it's a bit like he doesn't really care what I think or know, he's just preoccupied with helping himself.

I remember looking at my best male friend's relationship and thinking how odd it was that they never seemed to be quite relaxed around each other, and in a way I feel that J and I are the same way.

I'm always slightly on guard around him not to say anything to harm his sensitive feelings, and he's always on guard because... well, I'm not sure really. But he definitely is. And I realise a relationship can't function like that in the long run.

Liking a wounded guy is so juvenile. Clearly I have a type and I'm stuck in a rut; the men I've loved, not the ones I've dated, the ones I've really loved, have all been beautiful, immensely intelligent but ultimately emotionally unavailable. I don't know why I do it, it's as if I'm punishing myself.

Yet I can't give up, not on J. I love him and I don't want to have to be without him. I don't want to save him, I just want to make him want to save himself. I just don't know how.


  1. Hey Bella...
    A little caveat, depending on how you grew up, you may have a pre-disposition to try and be a "healer" and that's the root of your desire to make him change
    Maybe J is your little project, the voice inside your head says that it may not be working, but your pre-programed to try and change him.

    But again, I may be completely wrong :-)

  2. I am SO a "fixer" and I do love me my wounded men. It's like, I must be the most fabulous woman ever if I can get him to stop doing x, y and z and realize how great life can be with me! Ha ha ha. It never works. Never never never. What it comes down to is, why would I want to be with a man who can't give me what I want?


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