Sunday, 28 January 2007

Freedom Is Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

When I was surfing on Flickr today looking for a pic for my next piece of erotic fiction, I came across the phrase above.

Originally by Roddh
I had never heard it before, but how true it really is.

It reminds me of when I went to church after my grandmother died. I'm not a very "good" Christian, and usually limit visits to funeral and Christmas.

My grandmother had a tough life; her husband and son both died from an uncureable disease, and she also cared for her grandparents and parents until they passed away.

The priest told the small group of people who were there to pay her the last respect that we should be grateful for the burden laid upon us by God. "Without a burden, we feel there is no use for us," he said.

Of course that becomes completely absurd if you think about the kind of strain that's laid on people's shoulder the world over; Palestinians having their children shot by Israeli soldiers, Iraqi suicide bombers targeting poor day labourers and African Aids orphans starving to death. Needless to say these people would much rather be unburdened.

But in an emotional sense, what the priest said is true. Without anyone depending on us, without any responsibility weighing on our shoulders, we're just blowing in the wind, pointlessly.

A mother doesn't wish to be freed from the burden of caring for her children, not truly. As a lover you don't really want to be freed from your partner, even when they long to be single. And if you break free, leaving their formerly loved one behind, it usually means that you had nothing to lose in the first place.

Maybe that's why I stay with J, even though it's hard. Whenever I've been in easier relationships, I've not weighed down enough to want to stay. Yes, of course sometimes the burden of supporting him through daily life it's almost unbearable, but I love him.

And the Christian part of me thanks God that I've been allowed to meet someone for whom I'll gladly give up my freedom.

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