Sunday, 18 February 2007

The bi-monthly near-breakup

It's the best TV show. No ifs and buts about it... And ASH is hot. Don't give me that British Nescafe crap
I Love Buffy. No, really. You wouldn't think it... well, yes, you probably would since I'm pretty much a self-confessed geek.

This song describes spot on exactly how I feel about J. No, not the "wish I could play the father" part, as I don't in any way want to play J's parent (it would be especially sick considering how badly I get on with his mum).

No, I mean the part where you so desperately wish you could help someone feel better, but really you know deep inside that you're just in their way; you have a sneaking suspicion they might be better off without you.

The bust-up came on 15 Feb, after a range of minor hiccups on 14 and the fact that we've barely seen each other since Christmas due to our work hours. Ironic, I know, given that we actually both work in the same building and live in the same house.

The bust-up was the same as always:

  1. I say "I don't feel our relationship is going very well." He agrees
  2. I ask for how much longer I have to put my life on hold (house, kids etc.). He says he doesn't know.
  3. I ask if I should just leave, and he says he thought we agreed that we wouldn't decide until after X event (differs as the deadline obviously keeps shifting).
  4. I ask why, when he evidently doesn't find me attractive anymore (he says he's not very interested in sex at the moment; this often preceeds the bust-up) and he seems distant and not interested in talking to me. He says he's trying, and that it's all his fault.
  5. I say that it can't be all his fault and that there must be something I can do. He says I don't mean that and we both know I'm a perfectly nice girlfriend to have.
  6. I push him on explaining how he feels. He shuts down (sometimes cries).
  7. I start crying. He immediately feels awful and tells me how much he wants us to stay together.
  8. We make a plan to improve things; usually to spend more quality time together, have more sex, go to bed earlier and do more stuff.
  9. Row over.

It's strenuous. And possibly pointless, since we keep doing it (we only properly broke up once, for about five minutes). But maybe it serves a function.

Today I woke with a horribly sore throat; J brought me a warm drink in bed and offered to go into work in my place (which I graciously declined). He came to bed to give me a cuddle, sporting a raging hard-on (which my throat was too sore to take advantage of; I know, the PAIN!! The WASTE!!).

And he kept talking about how nice it was outside today (which obviously I didn't see since I was in bed the whole time), so maybe the anti-depressants are kicking in.

Maybe there is hope.

If not, there's always the next row in a couple of months time.

Bonus Technorati tag:

5 comments:

  1. You're what people call around here... "low maintenance" (I would ad a 'very' in front). Try to have him open up, that is the key.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I *seriously* started wondering lately if he has Asperger's Syndrome cause he's such a data head and so anxious and sensitive. But he's too good at footie I think...

    He sometimes says he doesn't want to tell me what he thinks because there'd be no point as he can't say what I want to hear anyway.

    I think I am quite low maintenance in a way; as long as someone makes me laugh and makes sure the laundry gets washed, dried and folded, I'm pretty much there.

    Oh, and I feel *extremely* sorry for myself when I'm ill... So I demand to be treated like a princess for the duration!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alright...
    1. Lights up candle *vanilla*
    2. Dims lights... (BRB)
    3. Returns with some herbal tea and lotion..
    4. Rubs lotion in hands... and gently asks: "Please have a sip of this tea... and lay down and bare your back"
    5. Gently rubs your back, the back of your leg and feet for 20 minutes... as Frou Frou plays in the backrgound.
    6. You stand up with a big smile, finish your tea and walk out...
    7. J walks in, and I say... "There mate, it's 20 pounds. She's served, all you have to do is slowly tell her what's on your mind.

    ... out...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loads of very good points...

    ReplyDelete
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