Wednesday, 7 February 2007

Familiarity breeds... familiarity

Lately, to my horror, I've noticed that my sex drive is going down. I don't know how this can be. Or rather, it's not that I'm not horny, it's more that I'd be contented with fantasies and my vibrator rather than J.

Love by Digitain3k0

I still find him attractive. But I guess I've just been conditioned into thinking that asking for sex means I won't get it, so my libido is steering me away from the disappointment.

And I know I'm attractive. I've the kind of boobs other women have breast implants to achieve (not crazy oversized US ones, I mean cute natural perky ones). I shave and wax... And he claims he finds me attractive. But it's plain to see I fail to turn him on. How can I fix this? How do I become alluring while we're still living together and seeing each other's toothbrushes and dirty laundry every morning?

J and I are nearing our second anniversary. Personally I can never remember what day it is, but I know it's near Valentine's day. Fortunately J is the kind of guy who never forgets an important date (yes, girls, there was a reason I chose to put up with no sex for three months...).

I've always had a high sex drive, ever since I discovered masturbating at 11, and probably even before then. In my previous relationships I've always had sex at least every second day, and mostly once a day.

With J, I'm lucky to get once a week.

OK, so maybe we're getting old. I won't be in my 20s for that much longer. However, that shouldn't be an excuse. J claims he just "has a lower sex drive", which of course I think is bullshit as I've never encountered a man with a low sex drive before, ever.

I know it's partly linked to his depression, but I actually think sex is good for him. It makes him relax, it makes me relax, and we always argue less when we shag more (see my old post about no sex making you cranky).

And we're very good together in bed, I think sometimes better than we are out of bed. Our bodies just fit together really well, I've no other way of explaining it. He's got the size of cock you want; fulfilling but not painfully so, and not too large to play with. His stomach fits into the curve of my spine when we spoon. His hand is just shy of the size of my boobs. And so on.

So what to do? Wait and see? I've never been very patient, you know... Tips received with thanks!

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  1. I'm sorry about asking you this but...
    What about discussing with him your sexual needs?

    You guys are young and sex is supposed to be important now, because its importance will only diminish as you grow older. If you will be in your 30s soon, that is your sexual peak, remember that.

  2. Discussed... it's such a nice word. I guess I have discussed it, and he basically says he's trying (and I really think he is); I just have a higher sex drive. He's not very good at knowing what turns him on; for him it's purely a body rythm thing, like "I haven't cum in a week, I want to", and all the slinky underwear in the world can't speed it up. Frustrating.

    Sometimes I have dreams / nightmares about cheating and then I feel really bad. I've never cheated on anyone, but I don't think I'd really last very long in a dry relationship either...

  3. Well, some people are just different. J sounds like a person that is dealing with something bigger. He reminds me a lot of the "martian that goes to their cave" theory from Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

    A piece of advice about your dream/nightmare. I don't know you, but if you have "a conscience" don't cheat on anyone. I have, and I realized I can't look at somebody I care for and live with such a lie. I ended up telling. Aside from the obvious lack of respect and dishonesty, sadly, it won't be your boyfriend's reaction (or the collective pain) that will beat you the most, it will be your conscience.

    You know the sad part... there are people that walk around among us that can do this and feel no remorse.

    P.S.: I don't know if the "discussed" comment was a joke, but remember that sometimes what I write is structured in the language that I think (Spanish).


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