Saturday, 10 February 2007

Music and lyrics

I really seem to be in the philosophical corner these days; what's with that??! At any rate, Metal Babble suggested the follwing exercise when I was complaining about being ordered to find myself:

Maybe I just need some music to go with my lyrics
"Try to picture your life without everything that you consider relevant at this point in your life - What do you see...? what can you live with our without?"

Right. So, at the moment what seems relevant for me is to find a new full-time job for when I leave my present one (which keeps getting put off because I'm apparently just that invaluable, but that's a whole different story).

And then there's J. I really need to sort stuff out with him. But there is no incentive to do so since everything is going along just nicely, OK so he doesn't love me, but he took me to see Music and Lyrics today, which surely must be a sign that he's willing to sacrifice his sanity for my pleasure for 90 min.

If I wasn't looking for a job, and it wasn't for J... I'd be the same person. But I'd move home to be closer to my family and other friends, no doubt about it.

I don't know what keeps me from moving home.. I see, through a glass, darkly, that I want to become a psychologist for a few reasons I don't like thinking about.

I keep telling myself it's because I want to make sure I have an interesting job when I get home. Which is part of it. But I also like the thought of adding "Dr" to my name (I'd be the first in my family ever to do so), and the money, the prestige, the security.

I've always pretended not to be interested in any of those things, and on a personal level I do truly think that recognition and attention is more important to me than money. But money and status is no bad thing either, I guess.

Part of me wants to be able to show "people", whoever they are, that I arrived, that I could make it. I realise that many people around the country would be more than happy to step into the job that I have now, but for some reason it's not good enough for me. I am also well and truly bored, as I keep saying to people, but that's only a part of it.

None of this explains, though, why I don't ever spend any time "doing nothing" by myself, as suggested by my counsellor (sitting in the park looking at nature apparently counts as "doing something", MB! I know, odd). I guess I feel slightly ashamed of the reasons for pursuing the stuff I pursue, and therefore it's better to pursue it actively and at all times so I don't have to examine the reasons why.

Now how profound is that for a Friday night blog post. I'll discuss it with my counsellor and report right back to you...

Bonus Technorati tag:

4 comments:

  1. Here's what I think. You my virtual friend are in what can be defined as a "rut" - being in a rut constitutes a comfort zone (could be your job, relationship, current lifestyle); but the good news is that you're on your way out.... it's called self awareness and it starts by questioning the status quo.

    The answer lies in this: What are you passionate about? Maybe that will dictate your north in your quest for self actualization.

    But then again... I may be wrong .. heheheh...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damn... this was deep. Hey, pretty cool blog. I like it. My ex-boyfriend wants to become a psychologist (of some sort). Yeah... either way. As far as job advice goes, all I can say is hang on in there and when something is meant to be, it's meant to be. When I quit my job (I used to work for a PR agency) that very same day my aunt gave me a keychain that said: "God never closes one door without opening another." - Point being, I just got hired Friday for a local non-proft that I'm super excited about. So you never know... Have fun and happy blogging! Keep it up. This blog is a keeper! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. p.s. - I really want to see Music and Lyrics

    ReplyDelete
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