Saturday, 3 November 2007

Nine months passes fast

I just realised how long it has been since I posted anything here. Ridiculously long. My best friend had a baby. She had, in fact, two. They were very premature and she almost died, there was a lot of drama, which I probably didn't appreciate the severity of since I was over here and she was over there. I've been to see the babies, they are both beautiful and she's coping admirably alongside her fiance. Her tits were out for most of our visit there, but hey, who doesn't like tits.

We've moved house too, now sharing with another couple, both of whom I suspect are teetering on the brink of clinical depression. They're both lovely though. I think he might have Aspergers, as he interprets all jokes and comments literally, but that's just endearing.

The only non-depressed person in the house, actually, is J. Yes, it's true. He's thriving in the job that almost gave him a nervous breakdown when he first started it, he's doing really well with his therapy, and I'll be damned if he's not making little baby steps towards actual commitment.

Oh, and I've changed careers too, which has been harder, more demoralising and more like real work than anything I've ever done before. I guess I'm going through a small late-twenties life crisis; I lack direction for the first time in my life and it's not easy. What do I want? A fabulous career and lovely holidays (J and I just went away for a very long time to someplace very romantic) or settling down with oversized mortgage and children?

I think I do want kids. But sometimes I start questioning whether I just think I want them cause everyone else has them and it looks fun. In fact, what are the valid reasons for having kids? Something missing in my life? Wanting to give something back to someone; paying it forwards at the same time? Wanting something to anchor me? Or, shock horror, wanting someone to pursue the dreams I myself left by the wayside? In fact, the world being as it is today, are there really any valid reasons for wanting to bring kids into it at all??

Oh, I know. As my newly maternal friend says; it's a phase, it'll pass. Tell yourself that, take one day at a time, force yourself out of the house. And what am I whingeing about... J has even agreed to shave regularly cause I like soft skin. If that's not a reason to be pleased about life, I don't know what is.


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