Monday, 23 June 2008

Swimming

Life always seems better after a good swim. Today I am going back to work for the first time in about three weeks, I have been off on holiday with J and also went home to see my parents for a very rushed long weekend.

I really don't feel like going to work. I sense that I'll have a nervous breakdown if I don't succeed in finding a new job soon. I went as far as to turn to religion, while we were on holiday I went into one of the many magnificent cathedrals we visited and prayed sincerely for some direction. I put my fate in the hands of God, and said that I trusted that the path I am on is leading somewhere with meaning, that I am walking down this road full of clinically irritating psychopaths and megalomaniac managers for a reason. And I do kind of trust that life doesn't throw something at you that you can't handle. I felt better afterwards. Not like I saw the light or anything, but God or no God, I guess it is a way of cognitively rationalising life to oneself.

And I know that once I'm at work it will probably be so busy that I won't have time to think of how I'm wasting my talents walking around with a bunch of keys letting what is essentially spoilt brats into the laundry room and the patients property store every five minutes.

It is a lovely day today, nice and cool, a bit of sun, the water was very warm at one end of the pool, so I'm guessing the morning sun came in that way through one of the large windows. There are kids everywhere, I guess universities and colleges must have closed up shop for the summer, though the elementary school nearby is still going strong, I can hear kids playing through an open back door, and if I close my eyes I can almost imagine that they are on a beach, that the distant hum of traffic is the ocean.

So will God show me the meaning of all this? I am not sure. But I am waiting.

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