Monday, 11 August 2008

The one who got away... that I've caught up with



Originally uploaded by Simple Dolphin
So we meet again.

When I left the country, over a decade ago, I was madly, and I think truly, in love with one of my best friends.

Now I am here again, and I know that he lives a 20 min cycle ride from my house, with his "new" girlfriend of course. She is not at all new, they have been living together for at least three years now, I think.

We met today, at the pub, where I went to see another mutual friend of ours, with whom I've done a better job of keeping in touch.

It is odd. I used to dream about him, imagining colourful soft-focus scenarios where he would ring my doorbell in the pouring rain, in the middle of the night, to see me, to tell me something, to validate me.

Of course he never did. Even if he did want me, he was never the doorbell ringing type.

When I walked into the pub today, he looked at me. That really is all it takes. We barely exchanged a word while we were there, before I went home with my friend to see her flat, and he went home with his girlfriend.

Maybe I am finally over him. I don't want the life he has, I don't want to have a boyfriend who spends most weekends sitting inside smoking cigarettes, talking about life and having the not so occasional beer. I don't think he's the father of my future children.

But part of me will always remember that he was the first person that I loved, and made love to, and how my head was bursting with pleasure with every touch, that feeling which can never be replicated once the novelty of sex has worn off.

I wonder if he is sitting somewhere across town now and thinking about me, in his flat where he doesn't have the internet because he objects to computers, holding on to his girlfriend who never quite knows what to say to me, I think I unnerve her, though I don't know why, I knew him when we were kids, I don't know him as an adult, he chose her, he could have chosen me, begged me to come home, to be with him, to be.

I used to say to him that I wouldn't come home until he wanted to marry me. But a girl can only wait so long. And I was too homesick to postpone it till we're 56 and both divorced. Though I think he remembers as well as I do.

And there are dangerous opportunities. He recently completed the course I'm about to embark on, he probably has all the books I will ever need and naturally he knows the ins and outs of the department better than any of my other friends here. It would not be odd of me to meet up with him for a supportive chat.

Yet I don't know if it would be so clever, because he offers precisely the one thing that J doesn't, that unconditional attention, that way of looking at me without saying anything, which just makes me feel like the most interesting person in the world. He does that to everyone, not just to me. Though he is not by far the best looking friend I have, he has more broken hearts in his wake than any of the really handsome ones. I was one of them. But of course, the way he looks at me makes me think I also left a mark.

Softly, softly.

I am waiting for the phone to ring, a decade later. I know it will, and that it will be J, and that when he rings, I'll be happy. I miss him, I really do, and I count down the hours to our daily chats.

But part of my brain will play that alternative tune, Sliding Doors style, of what would happen if it turned out not to be J at the other end. I am back, and my number is the same as it was over ten years ago.

1 comment:

  1. XNXX-------HOT XNXX-----SEX CAMS- LIVE CHAT



    »------------> HD- Cumshot Sex (107)


    »-----------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


    »------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


    »------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


    »------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


    »-------------> HD - Pornstar Sex (910)+10


    »-------------> HD - Lesbian Sex (223)+22


    »------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


    »-------------> HD - European Sex (137)


    »-------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


    »-------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


    »-------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


    »-------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


    »-------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


    »-------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


    »-------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


    »--------------> HD - European Sex (137)


    »--------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


    »--------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


    »--------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


    »--------------> HD - Big Dick Sex (243)


    XNXX-------HOT XNXX-----SEX CAMS- LIVE CHAT


    »-------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


    »-------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


    »-------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


    »-------------> HD - Pornstar Sex (910)+10


    »-------------> HD - Lesbian Sex (223)+22


    »-------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


    »-------------> HD - European Sex (137)


    »-------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


    »-------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


    »--------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


    »--------------> HD - Big Dick Sex (243)


    »---------------> HD - Asian Sex (148)






    ENJOY
    XNXX-------HOT XNXX-----SEX CAMS- LIVE CHAT
    »--------------> HD - 24sexmovie.com (148)
    »………… /´¯/)
    ……….,/¯../ /
    ………/…./ /
    …./´¯/’…’/´¯¯.`•¸
    /’/…/…./…..:^.¨¯\
    (‘(…´…´…. ¯_/’…’/
    \……………..’…../
    ..\’…\………. _.•´
    …\…………..(
    ….\…………..\.

    WORLD WIDE LIVE SEX
    GOOD BYE

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for not just lurking..

Peer Review Section