Friday, 30 January 2009

Focus!


Day 79 - f o c u s
Originally uploaded by margolove
You know, I love men. I even, most of the time, love J.

However.

At the moment I am just so stressed I could explode.

J is moving here in March. That means that I have to leave Mr Vain behind and find somewhere for J and I to stay. My parents are kindly helping me to buy, but not to such an extent that my budget is very large.

I have two choices.

A) I can buy a very small 1-bed flat, which is what I can comfortably afford on my own. This would, however, mean that if J and I don't work out, I'll be stuck having to work my arse off for the rest of the time I'm studying to earn enough money to get by on my own.

or

B) I could buy a 2-bed flat, which I can't really afford, but I could afford if J put up some money. This would mean I could rent out a room if J and I broke up and would then be in less trouble. Also if I got pregnant it would be crowded.

So, as you can see, I could only afford to insure myself against us breaking up if J is committed enough to put up the money, which he isn't really. Which means that insurance is more necessary. If he was more committed, I wouldn't need the extra money, but he would offer. The world is truly a cruel place.

I realise I am whingeing like a spoilt brat as not everyone can get help from their parents in buying, but this whole situation is really stressing me out. I don't really want to have to rent, as this would be more expensive per month than the mortgage I'm planning if buying, and again I would be stuck in a contract if we were to break up.

I have discussed this situation with two of my friends, both of whom also had to do the whole house buying thing on their own because their menfolk were for different reasons not wanting to chip in.

Needless to say both these menfolk now live happily and cheaply in lovely apartments refurbished by their women.

What is it with men?? Why is it so difficult to make a commitment? It's not as if I, also, love being single and all that goes with it, but I have chosen not to be single, and I feel I should act accordingly (read: as a responsible adult).

So anyway, this is driving me nuts. I have attempted to calm myself by reading about cell biology and planning next week's lecture for the high school kids I'm teaching on the side but it didn't really help. Writing this kind of helped, but I can feel that my cortisol is way above what it should be at this time in the afternoon. Thank fuck it's Friday.

Will now try alternative method, which involves spending money I don't really have on pizza and than a classical music concert at the city concert hall.

2 comments:

  1. Tough decision that only you can make. For what its worth I do think you are entitled to commitment, financially as well as emotionally and that you shouldn't be planning for failure. Go with your heart.

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