Monday, 16 February 2009

Fourth anniversary musings

This blog used to be entitled "J's Girlfriend". Now, four years on, the blog has been redesigned a dozen times, and moved on a few occasions, but I am still J's Girlfriend. Lucky me. The question is, as Ribbon recently asked, who is this J and how did we get together?

It is difficult to write our story in a way which doesn't make both of us come off as complete nutcases, but I tried. It is also difficult to condense into a readable length.. but we managed to do a 20 minute Hamlet in school, so I should be able to manage.

Then I looked in my archive and saw that I have actually written this all before, here, for our first anniversary three years ago. That account is better written, and funnier, and longer, than what I came up with today. I won him over with my blow jobs, I swear.

J has never read this blog, nor do I ever hope that he will. In fact, noone that knows me in person has ever read it. I feel safer in the ability to be honest about everything when I don't have to think what my clients and patients would think if they saw that sometimes I miss the vibrator I chucked out at the last house move. But to the point. Instead of telling the messy story of our beginning, which I actually realised I can barely remember now, I decided to pick out some highlights from our four years together, instead.

Sep 2005: J agrees to live with me (temporarily, of course..)
Jul 2006: J helps save my life on holiday
Aug 2006: We break up (for 5 minutes)
Nov 2006: I think I've had it (again)
Feb 2007: I need therapy
Feb 2007: ...and we go on a romantic city break
Mar 2007: I stop nagging J
Sep 2008: We do long distance

Now that I read this, I almost feel sad because I didn't blog more for the last few years when our relationship has mellowed out, we have lived togehter properly and been on some really fantastic holidays together where I didn't almost bleed to death.

I also feel incredibly grateful for all the bloggers who have counselled me through the rough patches, on a different level from what my friends have. Quite often around my friends I don't want to tell it exactly like it is, because I don't want to expose J in front of people he knows. I don't think they need to know that he didn't wank till he was out of his teens, for instance. But for me and our story that is an important fact. So thank you, bloggers, past and present, for all your support. Most of the people who saw the traumatic birth of what was to become J and me, are no longer around. But if you happen upon this, know that I haven't forgotten you.

And I guess that what J and I have today, is testimony to the fact that it was worth it all in the end. To illustrate, I include our most recent Skype conversation.

[00:27:18] JGF: I am reading the archive of my blog, and I just have to say, we have done really well to still be together. And our relationship really is a lot better than it was in the beginning

[00:28:16] J: Indeed it is - I feel a bit guilty I haven't done any jobsearching today but I have done some language learning and I am looking at property

[00:28:31] JGF: Aaaw. But you should go to bed (and so should I)

[00:29:07] J: I will soon - night night baby

[00:29:13] JGF: Hearts!

[00:29:19] J: Hearts back

[00:29:41] JGF: (inlove) emoticon

[00:29:58] J: (blush) emoticon

[00:30:12] JGF: YOU'RE SO CUTE IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!

[00:30:14] JGF: Ahem

I know, sickening, isn't it. But to the both of us, congrats for sticking it out and coming out on the other side, different but still together. Happy anniversary, my love.


  1. Hi just got back to have a read :-)
    thanks for the insight.

    I wish for you to learn to make your own heart sing.
    I'm sure J is lovely.......... I'm sure you're even lovelier!

    From what you have offered for me to read I'm not convinced that you are convinced of the strength of your relationship.
    Yes all relationships require an element of work, but I don't believe it needs to be hard work.

    Only you know what is right for you.

    Best wishes & thank you for sharing :-)

  2. Thanks Ribbon for saying "I'm sure J is lovely.......... I'm sure you're even lovelier!"! Funnily, that's exactly what he says!

    I had a little discussion about our relationship yesterday with a guy in my class, and when I was talking about marriage, he chuckled (though I would have called it "laughed" if he were a girl!) and asked what I would do if J proposed. I said I would panic a bit and then probably say yes. I have learned that the grass is never greener, it is just different. I have decided that this is what I want. But at heart I am still the same commitment phobe I was 15 years ago.

    "So," my friend said, "I think you've basically reached your personal max of trusting in a relationship, which I'd say is at about 90%." Word.

    Asking someone to move to another country for you is a huge deal, and last time someone did for me (though I didn't ask him to!) it went to shit, so I am nervous. Right now it is going really well, but I am not underestimating it will be tough for us both. Thanks for the well-wishing!

  3. I'm going to find time to read through your story from beginning to end before offering an opinion but as you know from my experience, people change as they move from country to country - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. If J is good at surviving outside of his comfort zone, sees life as an adventure and is able to find the humour in struggle then he should be fine. If not..think twice before losing the man is he now x

  4. thank god you stopped with the nagging. j hated that.

  5. Jeremy: Heh.. it's funny, the reason I stopped was mostly cause he didn't seem to mind at all and it made me feel a bit guilty.

    Daisy: J is a neurotic who has been in therapy for the best part of 7 years, and who has been periodically depressed since he was about 18. So in those terms, it ain't looking good! But if I didn't try, I would always wonder what would have happened if.. I want to live where I live now, and he just has to follow and make the best of it. If it doesn't work, at least we tried.


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